The Sexual Adventures of Vanilla Space Pirates
by snipershezz
Summary: When Peter makes a flippant comment that Yondu and Kraglin are a completely vanilla old married couple, the pair decide to spice up their sex life with mixed results.


**Characters: **Yondu Udonta, Kraglin Obfonteri, Peter Quill, Tullk, Original Female Character(s),

**Relationships: **Yondu Udonta/Kraglin Obfonteri

**Tags: **kinktober, kinktober 2018, established relationship, fail sex, biting, hair pulling, public sex, distracted sex, feederism, cross dressing, massages, humour, minor injuries, general Ravager shenanigans, fluff, cutesy couple, old married couple, all the love for the space pirate boyfriends,

**Warnings: **None.

**Summary: **When Peter makes a flippant comment that Yondu and Kraglin are a completely vanilla old married couple, the pair decide to spice up their sex life with mixed results.

**October 31****st**** \- Prompt Thirty-One: **Any Combination of the List.

1\. Biting

2\. Hair Pulling

3\. Distant/Distracted Sex

4\. Feederism

5\. Stockings/Tights/Pantyhose

6\. Massage

**A/N: **I've wanted to do a stupid little humorous thing with Yondu and Kraglin being this vanilla couple, who never do anything exciting in the bedroom, forever. This is their foray into the wonderful world of kinks, with - *mixed* results. I had an absolute fucking *ball* writing this XD Enjoy ya'll!

The concept of Hrax and Hraxian!Kraglin comes from the incredible Write_Like_An_American, who's stories I utterly adore (and you should totally go read, like, all of them because they are amazing) So, as usual mad shout out and big love to them for creating it because none of my stories would exist without their ideas :)

**Part Thirty-One of **_**Kinktober 2018**_**.**

#kinktober

* * *

"What's wit' tha bandage boy?" Yondu asked as Peter slipped into a chair in the mess.

The Terran shrugged, "Kree girl I been seein' stabbed me. She thought I was sleepin' with some other woman." He sipped his coffee causally. "Stupid part is – instead of yellin' at me like a _normal_ person, she waited until I was balls deep to shank me."

"While ya were fuckin'?!" Kraglin exclaimed in a shocked tone.

"Ma'be she had a vi'lence kink, boyo." Tullk chimed in. "I had one o' tham once. Liked ta scratch big cuts dawn ma arms then watch tha blood drap onto 'er cheest as we fecked." At the look on Yondu's face Tullk chuckled, "Ya look like ya seen a ghoost. Ain't ya niver 'eard o' that Cap'n?"

Peter snorted. "_Please!_ These two are an old married couple. They probably only have sex on their birthdays."

"Oi!" Yondu whacked the Terran in the back of the head. "We do not!"

"Bet it's all vanilla with you guys." Peter prodded – like the little shit he was – knowing he'd hit a nerve.

"We got kinks." Kraglin snapped.

"_Sure,_ ya do." Peter snickered.

Yondu sneered, "Ain't'chu got work?"

Peter rolled his eyes up and stood up, leaving the pair fuming and Tullk chuckling into his coffee.

* * *

They were mid-fuck when Yondu moaned into Kraglin's ear, "Bite me."

Kraglin gave him a look, "What?"

"Bite me!" Yondu replied, canting up his hips desperately. "Com'on it might be hot."

The Hraxian shrugged and latched onto the Centaurian's peck, sinking his razor-sharp teeth into the flesh and muscle.

Yondu howled in pain and kicked the man clean across the room.

There was a whistle and then Kraglin was howling too.

The doc had taken one look at the chunk of flesh missing from Yondu's chest, the blood around Kraglin's mouth, and the foot of yakka embedded in his skinny thigh and burst out laughing.

* * *

Yondu had taken fancy that evening to fucking Kraglin instead of being fucked. Sometimes he loved seeing the Hraxian spread out on all fours under him.

He was digging bruises into the bony hips when a thought occurred to him. Kraglin's hair needed to be cut, the mohawk was far too long – long enough in fact for Yondu to wind his fingers into it.

The Centaurian draped himself over Kraglin's back, snapping his hips viciously. He carded his fingers through the taller man's hair then latched them into it, gripping and pulling lightly.

The result was electric. Kraglin's entire body seized up, and he let loose a rumbling groan that made Yondu's dick twitch. The Centaurian yanked it harder and Kraglin moaned like a whore.

"_Ohfuckyeah_!"

Yondu smirked and held onto the handful of hair until they'd both come moaning in satisfaction.

In the afterglow, Kraglin rolled his head to the side and grinned stupidly at his partner. "What would ya say if I grew out half ma hair – real long like?"

Yondu chuckled, placing a hand on the swell of his belly contentedly, "I'd say ya got yerself a kink, darlin'."

* * *

Kraglin cornered Yondu during his graveyard shift – the morning shift was due to start in a while and the Hraxian had himself an idea.

"Pull yer pants down." He purred into Yondu's ear as he crowded the man over the side of his chair.

"Have ya lost yer damn mind?!" The captain snarled.

"It's tha thrill o' bein' caught!" Kraglin purred. "Com'on baby, ya know ya always had a fantasy 'bout me fuckin' ya on tha bridge, where anyone could walk in."

"A'right darlin', fuck me real nice, ya hear?" Yondu leered at him over his shoulder.

Of course, the bridge crew walked in around five minutes into their little adventure.

No one would be able to erase the sight of their captain bent over his chair, moaning – that was until he started snarling and whistling – then miraculously no one remembered anything unusual happening that morning.

Kraglin, however, found himself sleeping in the hall that evening.

* * *

Yondu blinked, "So, lemme git this straight. Ya wanna watch me eat all this food an' then fuck me while ma gut's all fat an' bloated. That 'bout sum it up?"

Kraglin blushed nervously, "Yup."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Yeah, ok."

The Hraxian swallowed, "Just like that? Not gunna even question it?"

Yondu grinned at his partner, "Kraglin. There're only five things I love in life. Fuckin'. Fightin'. Food. Shiny shit. And you." He paused leaning over an taking a huge bite out of one of the doughnuts in the pile of food. "Three outta five ain't bad."

And after one of the best nights of sex either of them had ever had, Kraglin smiled at Yondu, "We got ourselves another kink?"

Yondu belched loudly and rubbed his bloated gut, "Sure do."

* * *

Kraglin took one look at Yondu's 'surprise' and cracked up.

The grin dropped off the other man's face, "What'cha laughin' at me fer?"

"'M sorry baby –" the Hraxian laughed, "but you look ridiculous!" He fell into hysterics again.

The Centaurian pouted. "S'posed ta be sexy!"

Kraglin fell about, "Yer wearin' lacy underwears – pantyhose – an' – an' – _ohgodhelpmeIcan'tbreathe_ – ladies heels!"

Yondu huffed and snatched off one of the shoes. He pegged it, and it bounced off Kraglin's head, knocking the hysterical man off the mattress.

Unfortunately, the shoe fell heel up and Kraglin landed on top of it.

Then Kraglin was screeching for a whole different reason.

That was how poor doc found herself surgically removing a stiletto from a Hraxian's back at 11pm on a Wednesday night.

* * *

"We ain't had a very good run wit' these kinks we been tryin', darlin'." Yondu said, pushing his mate down onto the mattress.

"We found a couple o' good ones baby." Kraglin murmured into his arms.

The Centaurian ran a hand across the man's bare back, "Yeah, yer right. I think I got a real good one this time though." He reached over for the scented oil he'd picked up from one of those froofy love an' light bullshit stalls and tipped some onto his hand. Rubbing them together he placed his hands on Kraglin's back and began kneading gently.

The Hraxian groaned contentedly, "Oh _fuck_ that feels so _good_."

Yondu's lips twitched up at one side, "'M glad ya like it. Ya can do me next."

And if the pair fell asleep after massaging out each other's knots and sore spots instead of making it sexy like they planned – well, who was gunna know, right?


End file.
